In the first poem below Amy love@ refers to my first wife sleeping beside me. The poems, Nightfear@ and ACome Death,@ do not refer to suicidal thoughts. I did not think destroying the body would be of any benefit but I had lost the ability to go to sleep naturally. Therefore, trying to get some sleep each night was an issue.
LEST MY LOVE AWAKE
Agony, agony, overflowing it comes,
my mouth an open wound,
through which I scream,
into the night,
but silently.
Lest my love awake,
her arm about my neck,
my sweet one.
She does not understand.
I raise my hand
to catch the tears,
noiselessly sliding down my cheek.
Lest they fall upon her arm,
my sweet one.
She would not understand.
I slowly move her hand aside
getting quietly out of bed.
Lest she be disturbed,
my sweet one.
She will never understand.
I write down these words
while she sleeps
and then return to bed.
She never knows I left the bed,
my sweet one.
But too much she understands.
ALIEN SHADOWS
Creep the shadows
at slow pace
Through your eyes
across your face.
Follows the darkness
at full tide
Into your soul
trapped inside.
NIGHTFEAR
I hold on tight,
to the thin, thin threads of life.
I fear the coming
of the dread gray wolves of night.
COME DEATH
Now my strength runs low.
What’s to answer death’s sweet call?
This I do not know.
Into its gaping mouth I fall,
But not to stay,
Somehow I blow it away.
And it is gone,
at least for today.